My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize