you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My bed smells like the plague
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
