it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
