I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
