oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
