No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
