I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
