Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
