I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
