i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
