I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
