It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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