sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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