The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
