Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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