Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
