i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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