My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
