i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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