Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
