I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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