hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
