i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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