Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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