I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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