if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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