I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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