so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Randomize
