so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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