god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
