A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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