i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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