I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
