aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
