it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
