looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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