there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
