I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
