I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The power of my boobs compel you
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
