I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Those nachos came to me in a dream
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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