And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
