oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
