we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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