I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
