the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
