Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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