Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
