An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
