I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
