ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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