Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
