I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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