I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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