you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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