I just gift wrapped bread.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
