meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
third nipple confirmed
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
