I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Randomize
