I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize