Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
