Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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