i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
