nutella sex= disaster
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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