The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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