Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We had to coat check the pizza.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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