I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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