do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Oh god it's open bar.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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