last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
