She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
