genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Randomize
