Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
