this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
